


I could never hate you

by Anonymous



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Anxiety, Brother/Brother Incest, M/M, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29276838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Relationships: Ponyboy Curtis/Sodapop Curtis
Comments: 15
Kudos: 13
Collections: Anonymous





	I could never hate you

Ponyboy was having a problem. Sure, it was being helped by the fact he could nearly lie through anything, but he could feel Darry’s mounting frustration. Ponyboy’s problem was a feeling, but it was being exacerbated by Two-Bit. Well, maybe not the problem itself, but Two-Bit was the reason he got worked up enough to vomit. It was different when it was secret- he wasn’t so scared when he could hide.

It would be different if he were just gay. That would be a blessing compared to having a crush on Sodapop. After all, no one would think incest was okay, but being gay? Surely that wasn’t so bad. And Two-Bit knew. Ponyboy got queasy again at the thought, pushing away his dinner.

“Ponyboy?” Sodapop asked, concerned. He’d been just as worried as Darry, maybe even more. It didn’t help.

“It’s fine, I’m just not hungry,” Ponyboy responded softly, looking into his eyes as he lied.

“Oh… can’t you eat a little more, Ponyboy? Just a little, you hardly ate anything,” Sodapop pleaded.

Ponyboy’s stomach twisted. His concern made him feel warm, which made him feel guilty. Which made him feel sick. “Sorry, I’m not hungry,” Ponyboy got up to escape.

“What about chocolate cake?” Sodapop tried again as his brother put away his leftovers.

“Sorry… no,” Ponyboy declined.

Just then Darry walked in. “What’s going on?” The eldest asked, seeing Sodapop’s concerned face.

“He’s not eating again,” Sodapop began. “

I’m just not hungry,” Ponyboy lied again.

Darry frowned. “Ponyboy-you know you have to eat. You’re a growing bow.”

“I’ll try to eat later.”

“Is it the nausea again?” Darry asked.

“I’m fine,” Ponyboy responded, avoiding the question.

“It is, isn’t it? Damn it, Pony, I know you said it’s nerves, but what’s causing the nerves? This can’t keep happening,” Darry sounded like he was about to start cussing.

“I don’t know,” Ponyboy tried, lying through his teeth.

“Ponyboy, I’m getting real sick of the lies.”

Ponyboy gulped. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?” Sodapop cut in, his voice gentle.

Ponyboy softened to hear it that way. “Can’t tell you, sorry,” he maintained.

Darry took off his coat, and Ponyboy noticed his tense, bulging muscles. “We’re going to find out, Ponyboy,” he tried.

Ponyboy felt the nerves claim him, attacking his throat and stomach. He puked in the kitchen sink, feeling awful.

“Oh, Pony-” Sodapop was quickly by his side, petting his hair.

Ponyboy rinsed it all down, rinsing his mouth too. “I’m going up to my room,” he said.

Darry sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fine, but this isn’t over.”

“Darry,” Soda scolded. “Here, Ponyboy, I’ll come with.”

“I don’t need help,” Ponyboy said defensively.

“I know, I know,” Sodapop soothed, leading him there anyway. He got Ponyboy settled into bed, making him a cocoon like mom and dad used to when he was scared.

Ponyboy settled, letting his brother take care of him as he tried not to notice how attractive he was.

“Ponyboy?” Soda began. “Did you do something bad?”

“I didn’t.”

“Then can you tell me what the nature of it is?”

“I feel something bad, Sodapop. So bad I can’t let anyone know, especially not you or Darry.” He didn’t want to be sent to a boy’s home.

Sodapop thought for a moment. “Are you gay? Because, Pony, that wouldn’t make me love you any less.”

Ponyboy thought about it. This could be an out. “I like men,” he admitted- truthfully, this time. He also liked women, but that wasn’t his ticket out.

Sodapop looked relieved. “Shoot, you don’t have to worry over that, Pony,” he said. “There’s no reason to vomit anymore. Darry and I would still love you.”

“Right…”

Which was all fine and well, but the vomiting didn’t stop, and Sodapop had realized Ponyboy must be lying about something.

It was a foggy fall day when he confronted him.

“Ponyboy… the vomiting hasn’t gotten better.”

“I’m just nervous what everyone else’ll think.”

“I don’t think so… can you please tell me more?”

“I can’t.”

“What about why you can’t tell me?”

“You’ll be disgusted by me. You’ll hate me.”

“I couldn’t hate you for what you feel, Pony,” Sodapop said softly.

“You could- you’re just not thinking about everything.”

“I couldn’t hate you, Ponyboy, not for feeling.”

“Everything would change.”

“Maybe it would change for the better.”

“It wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” Sodapop urged, meeting his eyes. He was so handsome.

“I can’t risk it.”

“Pony, I promise I’ll look out for you if you tell me.”

Ponyboy wanted to believe that. “You’ll forget it if it makes you start to hate me?”

“I just want to know what’s hurting you.”

Ponyboy sighed. “We have to go somewhere private,” he said.

“I know where,” Sodapop said, and soon enough they were in a trashed, evited building. “Can you tell me now?”

Ponyboy gulped. “I just want to preface this by saying I feel really bad and ashamed and I know it’s wrong.”

“Okay,” Sodapop said nonjudgmentally.

Ponyboy blushed. “Okay… well… I have a crush on you, Sodapop, and I think Two-Bit knows and that’s really stressing me out and I’m sorry and I understand if you don’t want to share a bed anymore, but please don’t send me away,” Ponyboy begged.

Sodapop blinked in shock. “Oh, wow... Pony, how long has this been goin’ on for?”

‘Like a year.” He was stressed, rubbing his arms. “I’m so sorry.” He teared up.

“Hey, no-no tears, no crying. You’ll probably grow out of this, okay? Nothing has to change. I’ll talk with Two-Bit, everything’s fine. But if you still feel like this when you’re older, just tell me, okay? I’ll help you.”

“How?” Pony sniffled, wiping his eyes.

“I’ll figure it out, I always do. Don’t worry about Darry neither.”

And the vomiting stopped after that, Ponyboy gaining some much-needed weight back to him. Sodapop was relieved.


End file.
